Parent-Teacher Association

It was a Monday morning in spring, the day after Daylight Saving Time had taken effect, and my first-grade teacher asked whether anyone had stories about how the resetting of the clocks had affected them. Nobody raised their hand, so I raised mine. “I lost an hour of sleep!” I said.

“Mark, everybody lost an hour of sleep,” said the teacher, patronizingly. “Does anybody have any real stories?”

This sounds like a very minor exchange, but I still feel its sting nearly six decades later. The teacher had wanted to start a discussion, and I thought I was helping. My loss of sleep was the only story I had, and it had the added benefit of showing that I understood the basic premise of Daylight Saving Time. But I was shot down, summarily dismissed. It’s the first time I remember feeling that school was not a place where I’d find help and encouragement, but a place where I’d be judged.

Of course, I’d clearly been judged all along, but only positively. I was diligent and eager to please — partly because I enjoyed learning, but also out of self-preservation. At the beginning of the school year, my teacher had called my mother to advise her that I was holding my pencil incorrectly, and my mother had reacted furiously. “How does it make me look if you don’t know how to hold a pencil?” she yelled. So it was clear to me that I’d be in real trouble if any further negative reports came from my school.

Teachers have always judged students; it’s unfortunately part of their job. Grading students’ work has always been my least favorite part of teaching college courses, because it puts me in a position of authority that feels unjust. My stance as a teacher has never been “I am here to educate you,” but rather, “I have a lifetime of experience with this subject matter, and I’m eager to share it with you, but only to the extent that you think it will help you. I don’t know everything, and I may be wrong sometimes.” I always give students extensive written feedback on their assignments, but I try to make clear that this feedback is only my opinion, and they can take it for what it’s worth.

The odd thing is that students never seem to get that message. I remember, early in my teaching career, coming back to my class after a ten-minute break and saying, “I want to apologize. In teaching the lesson before the break, I was talking to you as if I’m somebody special and superior. I’m really not.”

The students just stared at me. “But you’re the teacher,” one of them said, and the rest nodded. They actually seemed embarrassed.

I’m sure this is because, like me, they came out of a system in which the teacher is presumed to be someone important and authoritative, someone whose opinions and judgments have real significance. And teachers have to play that role, because otherwise the grades that they give — grades that have the potential to shape a student’s future — would have no legitimacy.

The problem is that, as every student knows, teachers’ judgments are often wrong. I felt the system’s unfairness frequently as a student — partly because I was unusually sensitive, but partly because whatever conclusions a teacher reached about me were echoed and amplified by my parents.

When my second-grade teacher assigned us to draw a self-portrait, I took it as a challenge. I had never thought of myself as looking any particular way — I was just a generic boy, with eyes and a nose and a mouth no different from anyone else’s. But if this drawing was specifically supposed to represent me, I had to find out what was unique about my appearance. I spent a long time staring into the mirror, pencil-sketching every line on my face and every imperfection I could find. The result, given my second-grade-level drawing skills, must have looked like a wrinkled old man. But it represented my best attempt to do what had been asked of me.

To my shame, the teacher sent the drawing home with me to show my parents, with a big X at the top and “I want Mark” written in red pen. My mother was incensed that I had failed such a simple assignment, and sent me to my room to do it again. What I came out with was what had apparently been expected of me all along: a colorful crayon drawing with a generic round head, scribbled brown hair, dots for eyes, and a curved, smiling mouth. That drawing got an A from my teacher, and a gold star.

If anybody asks me how I came to be so cynical about education, that’s the reason.

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Double Acting

My first training as an actor came in high school, from a teacher named William A. Lawrence. Though he was nominally an English teacher, his first love was the theater: He directed the school’s drama club, and he often staged one-act plays in his classes.

Bill (as he insisted I call him after I’d graduated) had great fondness for the traditions and lore of the theater; he was the kind of guy who would refer to Shakespeare’s “Scottish play” because it was considered bad luck to utter the name “Macbeth.” But he had no patience for people who put on airs. He had once served in the Merchant Marine, and he wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He drove a sturdy old pickup truck, which he often used to haul props, scenery, and even actors.

For Bill, theater was an honorable profession, and acting was an honest day’s work. An actor’s job was to memorize the lines, hit the marks onstage, learn as much as possible about the character he or she was playing, and above all, do justice to what the playwright had written. He often made fun of directors who went on and on about a play’s subtext and a character’s motivations, when all an actor wanted to know was, “Should I say the line louder or softer?” When in doubt, Bill would simply say, “Do it like this,” and he would read the line in such a way that the character came immediately alive.

In the late 1960s, Bill had founded The World of Mime, which — so far as I know — was the only mime troupe in the country consisting entirely of high school students. As a child, I had seen occasional mimes perform on television, and I’d also seen comics such as Red Skelton and Jackie Gleason do hilarious skits without saying a word. I grew up imitating them, and it became second nature to me to pull an invisible rope or do a pratfall. So when I got to high school, I naturally became part of the troupe.

We’d tour after school or on weekends, performing at schools, fairs, and community centers around New York. We’d sometimes travel to performances in full white makeup, riding in the bed of Bill’s pickup truck and giving quite a scare to drivers along the way. We never knew what the venue would look like until we got there, and we often had to improvise to adapt to unusual locations (such as a courtroom that had a fixed bar in the middle of the “stage”). After three years of this, I came to consider myself a relatively seasoned performer.

My other influence as an actor was a unique institution called The Fiedel School, on the north shore of Long Island. During the year, Fiedel was a country day school, but during the summer, it ran a creative arts program for kids of all ages — sort of an artistic day camp. I was fortunate enough to attend Fiedel for a few summers, first as a student and later as an apprentice in the drama department.

Fiedel was an anything-goes kind of place, combining a fanatical devotion to creativity with the touchy-feely ethos of the 1970s. Though students ostensibly signed up to study something specific, such as drama, music, or creative writing, the lines between these departments ranged from thin to nonexistent. Fiedel was a place where actors could dance, dancers could sing, and musicians could make jewelry in the silversmith’s shop. Getting formal instruction was desirable, but not essential — any of us had the opportunity to pick up a stray banjo or an upright bass and figure out how to make music with it. The Fiedel approach to acting was completely opposite to that of Bill Lawrence: It wasn’t about study and discipline, but rather about inner experience and improvisation.

I was never a great actor, but I was competent, and by the time I graduated from college, I even managed to find ways to get paid for it. I worked as an actor and mime (among many other things) throughout my 20s — the last few years as part of a touring children’s theater troupe. But when I married Debra and moved to the west coast, my acting career ended. I had no theater connections in the Bay Area, and was too busy trying to establish myself as a freelance writer and producer to pursue any.

Still, the lessons I learned from Bill Lawrence and the Fiedel School have supported me in everything I’ve done since. At Fiedel, I absorbed the attitude that anyone can learn to do anything, that no special training is needed — a mindset that I’ve brought to my teaching and to my own work life. And from Bill, I got the principle that the important thing in any endeavor is to do the work, get it right, and not be pretentious about it. (I imagine that he would have had the same qualms that I have about applying the word “art” to one’s own output.) When I began to lead mime workshops in the 1970s, I synthesized their two opposite approaches to acting, combining exercises to bring out submerged feelings with a vocabulary of technique in which to express those feelings.

Alas, the Fiedel School shut down in 1984, and its visionary founders, Ivan and Roslyn Fiedel, passed on in the late 1990s. William Lawrence — who eventually left teaching to become a professional actor — passed away last year, at the remarkable age of 95. I remain in their debt.

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Ars Gratia Occupatio

Oddly for someone whose work and hobbies always revolved around creative endeavors, I never thought much about art. I grew up drawing, painting, writing, and making music, but it wouldn’t have occurred to me to call any of those things “art”; they were basically ways to get approval and attention. In high school, college, and young adulthood, I was an actor, director, playwright, and mime, but I saw those as means of entertainment (for the audience) and emotional development (for me). In my twenty years as a freelancer, I did scriptwriting, graphic design, animation, and video, but that was just work I did to make a living. If you’d asked me what all these things had in common, I would have said that I was simply making use of skills that I was lucky enough to have.

That all changed in 2003, when I was hired by Chabot College to lead a new Digital Media program, teaching students how to use creative software such as Photoshop, Illustrator, Flash, and Dreamweaver. I became a full-time faculty member in a division that was known at the time as Fine Arts, and my colleagues were painters, sculptors, illustrators, and photographers. The visual arts faculty didn’t know what to make of me; they thought of me as “the computer guy.” (Of course, when I got to know people in the Computer Science department, they thought of me as an art guy.) Having had no professional training in either computers or the arts, I just made things up as I went along.

Toward the end of my second year at Chabot, it was announced that there would be a faculty art show in the division’s recently opened art gallery. Assuming that it had nothing to do with me, I paid no attention — until I received official word that as a member of the Fine Arts faculty, I was expected to participate. This threw me into a panic. “I’m not an artist!” I said. I didn’t know what I could possibly do that would be considered art.

“So, what is art?” I asked my friend, the art history professor.

“Generally, art is anything that’s made by an artist,” she said. We both agreed that wasn’t very helpful in my case.

The division dean gave me more practical advice. “Just do whatever you normally do, and call it art,” he said. So, since most of my recent career experience had been in video production, I made a video, which ended up being displayed on a computer monitor in the art gallery. People liked it. (In case you’re curious, it’s been preserved on YouTube, at https://youtu.be/Zrpje8NpdqE.)

Making the video was a strange experience, because every video I’d previously made had been an education or training program for a paying client. This one was being made for no reason at all. Based on this experience, I formulated a functional definition for myself: Art is anything I make that has no practical purpose.

That definition has served me well over the years, as I’ve continued to make visual images and videos with no practical value. I still hesitate to call them art, though. Real art, I think, has an emotional impact — it makes you want to look at it, and then leaves you changed in some way afterward. I have no reason to believe, or even any way to know, whether the things I make have that effect or not. So for lack of a better term, I refer to them as “art projects.”

(I have to admit that I have an underlying wariness of people who call themselves artists. That seems a bit self-aggrandizing. I’m more comfortable when people describe the activities that they actually do: “I’m a painter” or “I’m a dancer” or “I’m a musician.” Then it can be left to other people to decide whether those paintings or dances or musical performances qualify as art.)

I’ve retired from my tenured faculty position at Chabot College. I still teach an occasional course there as an adjunct instructor, but I feel less and less comfortable doing so. I always thought of myself as teaching a set of skills that the students could apply in any way they wanted — they could use them to do work for employers or clients, for example, or they could make art. The person who took my place as head of the Digital Media program has a different view; she’s very insistent that “these are art classes.” If, as my art history professor friend said, art is something made by an artist, then I have much more to learn before I can teach. Or I can just emulate Miss Bliss, the preschool teacher in Richard Thompson’s comic strip “Cul de Sac.” As her four-year-old students begin to go wild with glitter and glue, she cautions them, “Remember, creativity plus neatness equals art.” That’s my favorite definition by far.

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